I received a call from my “baby father” this week…..
it’s the first time we’ve spoke on the phone for just over 6 years.
I was cool. Little catch up chit chat, we’ll see how it goes this time around. My son wasn’t with me at the time, so they are yet to speak, but let’s go back in time a little bit.
We were high school sweethearts. We went college and work together. Our families know each other and we know a lot of mutual people. Our journey together started at 14 and ended at 22, we were together for most of that time, but had a few make up and break ups along the way for various reasons. Since then, we’ve tried different ways to co-parent, well I did anyway, as I can only speak for myself. However, around my son’s 10th birthday things were getting stressful; and even though I usually try to work with him, I shut down. After a couple incidents around this particular birthday, I didn’t feel like I was being respected. I had been trying to work with him to the best of my ability, while being representative for my son when there were things my son didn’t feel he could communicate over to him. I just stopped talking. Enough was enough for me.
Anyway, as a result of me not talking, he turned up to my door. No problem. I just told him I couldn’t be bothered to talk anymore and then I told my son he would have to tell his dad how he feels himself, because I think he believed all along that I was trying to turn my son against him. That was so not true. He must have underestimated my son! He’s a very clever and perceptive little guy. Me and my son just speak differently. My son went forward to tell him that he didn’t think that his dad cared about him and that they didn’t spend enough time together. His dad said he would come back in the week to speak to him. He didn’t. I don’t recall any calls from that October until the Christmas Eve when he called to ask me to go along with him, so he can buy my son’s Christmas presents. Christmas Day 2012, he brought them to my house with his little brother and that was the last time my son saw him in person.
During the couple months following Christmas, there were a few calls (and I mean literally a few), but the last time he called to speak to my son, he was telling him how he heard my son had been asking about him and asked if my son wanted to see him. My son said he didn’t know. I told his dad that if he wants to go somewhere with him he had to suggest somewhere specific to get an answer out of him. He didn’t feel he was getting anywhere, I guess, because as soon as that phone went down, he texted my son and told him he couldn’t do it anymore, and if he wanted to know him he had his number.
Woah! I was pissed! I thought how do you tell your 10 year old son that? I was typing back, when I received a message from him too. The one I received was longer, he sounded borderline upset, but what stuck out more than anything was this one line:
“He’s my first, won’t be my last, I’ll learn from my mistakes.”
That was fully loaded!
That is the second time he tried to fully write off my son. I couldn’t believe it!
Especially to find out later that he had another baby not long after smh!
Listen here, even if my son woke up everyday and was like “Mum, I hate you!” (he hasn’t, just hypothetically speaking) there are no days off! Unless my son had me fearing for my safety in my own home, I’d just do what you need to do. Whether I’m broke, feeling good or whatever, he is still living, breathing and “our” responsibility. While I’ve been raising our son, this guy has been out there flossing, travelling the world, being daddy to this next kid, and now he’s sitting in pen.
Do I hate him you ask?
Hate is a strong emotion. Lack respect, yes.
I have to find a way to still have love for him for other things otherwise this shit would mad my head:
- He was my first for a lot of things
- He taught me a few things that I haven’t forgotten
- Our run together set a standard for certain things * I have to just clarify these things are just things that mean something to me personally, not a treating good ting.
- And finally, he gave me my greatest gift to date, my heartbeat ❤
Only thing I can actually respect him for as a man is his work ethic, even though it didn’t benefit me and my son in any way. I just make sure I speak positivity over my son and let him know the reasons I loved his dad. I feel it’s important for him to feel he was created in love, even if it was just on my side, because I can’t speak for his dad. I am also thankful for the fact that our genes together have made “our” amazing, genius, handsome son ❤
It’s just bittersweet. I can say that right now, I’m not angry, it’s my time! I’ve looked after “his” son to the best of my ability through all circumstances and I loved the piece of him in the form of my son more than any words could articulate. I’ve loved him from the first time I was aware of his being and it was worth potentially risking my life to birth him.
Over these last nearly 16 years I ended up with the two things we actually went halves on, our Millennium Edition Monopoly board and my baby. It is the end of that story and beginning of a new one. So like I said earlier, we’ll see how it goes…… The picture above was taken the day before I had my son, I had no idea then this would be our story now.
I hope you enjoyed today’s story. Feel free to share any stories or experiences you may have had that are similar or in relation to this one. Don’t be a stranger.
Until next time.
Forever learning and evolving,