Creating my Own Heaven on Earth ♥ Falling in love with Housekeeping all over again ♥

Cleanliness is next to to godliness and all that good stuff 😁

I’ve gone through so many transitions within my lady role growing up, that now I’ve had to find my own rhythm, as I intentionally embrace me stepping into womanhood.

Being continuously tidy was something I’ve struggled with in adulthood.  Being clean wasn’t a problem but being tidy was work!  I’ve always had more things than I had storage.  I’ve always been a very busy person where structure or routines was something I feared because I never had it growing up.  I didn’t like the idea of being controlled by anyone or anything.  I didn’t like the idea that my exes would be expectant of me doing what they think you should standardly do as a woman because it was fully imbalanced within our dynamic.  It used to make me mad because they weren’t doing the things I identified as the role in which a man should play in a relationship.  Even though I’ve got better as the years go on, was it rebellion?  This is something I’ve been trying to understand so I correct this bad pattern:

• From the ages of 6-11, I was substitute mum.  My mum and single parent boyfriend lived together with me, my younger sister and his daughter.  They both worked two jobs so they were never home and on the weekends, we were at my nan’s.  I used to walk us to and from school, make sure the house was tidy, make sure the uniforms were ready, basic cooking, prepare the packed lunches and anything else that needed doing.  At the time, I thought it was like a privilege to have so much responsibility because I was so used to doing it.  I didn’t really get to enjoy being a kid.
• From the ages of 11/12, that family set up broke up, everyone dispersed: the boyfriend and his daughter moved out; my mum, my sister and I went to live at my nan’s.  I loved staying at my nan’s, so I thought this would be great and it was a relief to not do anything much and just relax.  But that was short lived.
• We moved to Huddersfield for 6 months, at this time it was the start of my mum’s sickness.  I done all the cleaning, hand washed all the clothes, the towels and bedding in the bath.
• Moved back to Birmingham when I was 13 and back to my nan’s where I ended up until she passed away when I was 17.  Living with my nan wasn’t as enjoyable as I thought it would be at this point.  My mum wasn’t well and yeah, I had a house to live in, but no one took on actual responsibility for me.  I’d have my nan get up and clean at 6am and then moan that was you wasn’t helping.  I hated that because it made me feel like she was saying I was lazy when I wasn’t.  Then I’d ask to learn cook certain meals, she’d say in the morning and then I wake up to smell that she’d already started.
• From 18- 21, I was in two mother and baby units, with some support but with all my belongings with me in cramped up spaces and struggling with self discipline.  Love for my son had me keep the places I lived as clean as I could but couldn’t I consistently maintain it.
• At 21, I moved into my house and it’s been a journey.  With two exes within the first six years, I had them not be responsible men but then they’d expect me to just “be a girl”.  So let me get this straight, they weren’t “being a man” but they were expecting all these benefits.  I never let any of them live with me because of this.  I didn’t trust them to lead me or be responsible.  Here comes the rebellion!  It made me feel like doing “girly” things was more like a chore and something they just expected me to do regardless of what they were doing or not doing.  We weren’t going halves on nothing: food, responsibilities, nothing.  Full blown imbalance.

What I have learned during my time alone for the last eight years, but these last two in particular, is that I actually enjoy taking care of the house.  But more importantly, I don’t have to keep all the things I once owned.  I don’t have to keep taking all the memories of the past with me everywhere I live.

I’ve been clearing up and clearing out.  I’ve been trying to get into somewhat of a routine.  Something that I do for me so when I get with my partner it’s just built into me.  I’ve picked up different tips along the way, from some of my job roles, which have helped me clean within a time scale:

• When I used to do home care with the elderly back in 2012/13, you had to go into your client’s home and do certain cleaning tasks within the 30 minutes to an hour that you within their home.
• This summer, I was doing housekeeping in hotels for one of my agencies.  This really changed everything.  You are fully cleaning down rooms within a time frame.  I was inspired!  It was the first time I used a cleaning caddy.  I don’t even recall anyone I know having one but since then I was so excited to get one of my own.  Having it pre-stocked with everything I need, and moving around the house along with the vacuum and the mop bucket it makes everything easier and quicker.

Cleaning always took me long to do, because I had so much to do but this is improving with time, especially as I’m clearing out more and more items.  No more keeping all my studying equipment that I’m not using anymore, extra blankets and towels that I’d keep just in case anyone was staying over.  Clothes I no longer wear and toiletries I no longer use.  I just want everything as simple as I can get it.

Most importantly, I try not beat myself up for not being perfect.  I always work on self improvement and need to be gentle with myself.  Breaking out of bad habits due to inconsistent examples and possibly not loving myself enough before getting to this stage is a process but I’m doing it.  Why?  Because I deserve to have a nice, clear living space and it feels good ♥

I embraced the fact I love cleaning and laundry  products 😍  I love all the different scents 😍  Doing the washing is my favourite 😍 The cleaning aisle is usually the one I spend the longest on at any one time.  If I go to people’s houses, I usually tend to smell some of their products, especially if I haven’t tried it before.  I’ve always been stocked up, even when I wasn’t always the tidiest person.  Why should I be feel embarrassed to say that?

It’s a part of life.  It’s a part of what is typically deemed to be feminine.  There’s nothing wrong with loving cleaning when there is so much emphasis on the importance of good hygiene in all areas of life.  It may just be something people do without thought because it needs to be done, but there other people in the world who do it with joy, with love. Love for themselves. Love for the people they genuinely love and care for.  It brings them contentment. It brings them peace.   I think it’s always been there at my core but was somehow buried under all the changes, traumas and negative feelings attached to the loving and caring aspect of it in and around the wrong environments and energies.  The more I’ve got rid of people and things that don’t fit my loving vibrations, the more I realised that my outer world has slowly but surely started to reflect my inner world until it’s intentional. Loving myself has always been at my core, but it was buried under the traumas and hurts but now it is intentional.  I take it one day at a time but I’m getting there and trying to find a happy medium.

If they say, your living space is a reflection of your mental space, then mine is getting better and better with time.  Also, I don’t have to take all the cleaning tasks on solely.  Certain tasks can be delegated to lighten the load.  Not forcibly but due to compromise.  My son does have some minor jobs to do but I’m so used to living on my own that I haven’t known any other way.  I’m not perfect, no one is.  Not everyone is parented.  Not everyone has consistent examples, if any at all, showing you the way to be.

I am a work in progress.

I am my own imperfect perfection.

I am creating my own happy.

I am creating the best version of myself.

I am creating my own Heaven on Earth.

I am forever learning and evolving.

Until next time,

Elisha x

 

 

My LOVE Journey ♥ Accepting the things you love about yourself ♥

When people try to crush or distort your view of yourself, whether that is to you or to others, you have to find ways in which you can rebuild yourself back from the bottom up.  I came across this quote one day, it has really helped me and I hope it helps you too:

My Declaration Of Self-Esteem

I AM ME

In all of the world, there is no one else exactly like me – everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone choose it – I own everything about me – my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself – I own all my fantasies, dreams, my hopes, my fears – I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.  Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me – by so doing all I can love me and be friendly with all my parts – I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know – but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me – However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me – If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turned out to be uplifting, I can discard that which I feel is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded – I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.  I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me – I own me, and therefore I can can engineer me – I am me &

I AM OKAY

Virginia Satir

I couldn’t have said that better myself.

Stay loving and accepting you and don’t let nobody tell you anything about yourself that you KNOW isn’t true!

Until next time.

Forever learning and evolving,

Elisha x

 

Creating My Own Heaven on Earth 🌍 Clearing Up and Closing Out Cycles

When creating space to live your life in the way you well and truly want you have to get rid of the all the things that are not conducive to your future happiness.  This will require a clearing of your physical environment and energy field.

Prior to starting this journey, I had a habit of holding onto things for sentimental reasons.  This included people who supposedly had “been there for me”  and items that I have collected throughout experiences during my life.  I realised that they did not all served me well.

Experiencing loss and change of environments due to moving around a lot while growing up meant I acquired a lot of keepsakes.  Going through many periods of lack and neglect from as long as I can remember meant that I was held hostage emotionally by people who were not showing me love how they should but filled some sort of a need at the time but then when I used to try to move on they would use their so called help as leverage to keep a hold of me.  They then became strongholds for me.

I started releasing people from my life back in 2010, I stopped going to family functions.  These people were supposed to be responsible for loving and caring for me especially while my mum was sick when I was younger and they never shown up for me.  Then in 2012, I went even further by cutting off a lot of my so called “friends”.  I started to recognise that they were not really my friends.  Due to me always playing the supporting role in everyone’s life from before I was old enough to make a choice about it, it resulted in me falling into patterns with other people with the same behaviour as some of the adults in my life.  But during this final leg of My Love Journey, I was provoked to clear out the last residue of the toxic relationships and behaviour patterns that still were present.  This time though, the remaining relationships were the ones that were closest to me.  The ones that have hurt me the most but have been with me the longest and have been with me through my lowest and hardest situations.  This journey I’m on triggered my last series of showdowns with them and guess what?  They showed themselves in their full glory!  They couldn’t help themselves!  Finally, the chains were broken!  Freedom!  Hallelujah ♥

I closed doors tightly shut that should never have been opened so long but I am appreciating more and more that everything happens in Divine Time ♥

In terms of my physical environment, I’ve always had more things than I’ve had storage to put them.  Since I started My Love Journey I have slowly but surely been clearing out.  I always envisioned having my living space as clear and spacious as possible.  In order to achieve this I went through all my belongings and got rid of everything I no longer need.

Anything mismatching had to go.

As much things that I could identify that I no longer needed or had a use for had to go.

I started to make moves to redesign where I currently reside as I’ve never had it exactly how I want it.  Even though I’ve lived here for nearly 15 years, this house is not a part of my long term life plan so I need lighten my load as much as possible in preparation for me to move.  I’ve always had houses to live in but I’ve never had somewhere that I felt was home.  For now, this will be a refresh…

A refresh of everything.

A fresh start.

Creating My Own Heaven on Earth ♥

Until next time.

Forever Learning and Evolving,

Elisha x

 

 

 

My LOVE Journey ♥ How it all began

2018 brought me to my knees!  EVERY single area of my life turned upside down! I cried so much you would think it was rain…

Me, crying you know, I hardly EVER cried!  But I took some hits to the heart and no one can usually touch me like that.  They changed my life.  Just simply by being them.  Their energy disarmed me and I was fully opened like I’ve never been hurt before.  Like a child.  Very innocent and pure.  I came face to face with someone who deserved love and happiness just as much as I did.  Who would have known that whenever I’d try to come for them it would be a suicide mission.  The energies around were so negative, there was no chance.  I’d take the hit, lick my wounds, get strong, go back again and then get the wolves on me.  Not everyone around you want to see you happy and I definitely experienced a set of people actually come and literally steal my joy.  I felt like I was starring in a psychological thriller.

This situation put a spotlight on the main two bullies and traitors in my life.  Any traits they’ve ever shown before were on 10,000 now.  The stakes were high!  Elisha, happy, NEVER!  I won’t just be there for them how they wanted me, NEVER!  These two people have been attached to me for years reaking havoc and if I gained nothing else from this experience, I finally gained my freedom.  A breath of fresh air.  It was hard but being on the receiving end of the things they spoke over me were shocking!  Then to make it worse, they tried to put a target on his back to deflect from them.  I’m very good at discerning and reading energies so that never worked which they weren’t happy about.  Either way, this just started a chain reaction of events that led me where I am now.  All I can say in hindsight is that it was a blessing in disguise.

Now I was opened up, I started to feel things that I’d never felt before:

Sadness.  I’ve lost people in my life in many forms, even death, but I used to rationalise everything.  For example, when I was 17 my Nan died in 2001 after she was only supposed to be go in to hospital for two weeks to have an operation, they infected her and she never came back out.  The way I rationalised it was that she was tired and wanted to be with her mum, sister and anty.  I was living with her at the time as well so I had to move again.

Loneliness.  I’ve been single for 8 years and I don’t link so I ain’t trying to outright fill no spaces ya dig.  I move alone most of the time so when “loneliness” started creeping up on me I didn’t even identify with the feeling at first.  I finally understood that I found my playmate… they were same animal as me.  The same core, on the surface it may not have seemed that way but not everyone is supposed to be able to speak YOUR language for protection purposes.

I ran through 6 jobs, failed 4 driving tests, and had these two bullies as well as try to prevent this union, they tried to stop me pursing music!

I was down!

I found myself stepping into church again for the first time in 7 years.  I didn’t think I’d do that again.  I been in and out of church for years, been saved a couple times.  The first time I said my Prayer of Salvation back in 2007, was the first time I ever felt FULL OF LOVE.  It was beautiful ♥  So when I get down I find myself there for a short time.  The first time I went up to the front to be prayed over at this new church, the pastor held my hands and looked in my eyes, I smiled like I do and she said, “Why you crying?”  I looked at her baffled and she said, “You’re always there for everybody else but when it’s you you sit alone in your room and you cry.”

WHOA!

I’ve never had someone see me before apart from one of my uncle’s ex-wives.  I broke down.  But that’s when the healing began.  I had to remove the ring I used to wear on my wedding finger as it will block my blessing and went down in the water.  Baptised.

Next, I had to start clearing out.  Clearing out the house.  Clearing out funky energies that had been attached to me in the forms of so called “friends” and “family”.  Those strongholds that make people feel comfortable to treat you a certain way, or you have grown to be accepting of things at your core that you don’t like because they have a title, years or some sort of familiarity.  I wiped everyone out!  Literally!

You know why?  Finally, I gained clarity.

As a result, I’ve been working on creating my own Heaven on Earth.  I realised I can live my life HOWEVER I want.  I can have everything I want, I can love how I want, I can express myself how I want.  No one controls me.  I can do anything.  Now I am free, I am no longer concerned about what people think of me.   To have people speak things over you and try to make you believe things about yourself that are not true, you have to believe in yourself and keep love in your heart.  Everyone just doesn’t deserve my energy and that’s where my walls go up to keep them out.

I know who I am.  I know what kind of life I want to live.  I know if I don’t like something I can say no.  I am conscious of the energy I put out. I know what I will and will not sing about.  I promote love and sex within a committed relationship, ideally marriage.  I promote family in the form of the one you choose to make with the person who chooses to love and live life with you.  I decided to put an end to any cycles that I was aware of so they don’t come with me to taint my future happiness.  I’ve been surprising myself with how much I have evolved through my journey and I have so much more growing to do that I’m looking forward to.

I’ll keep fighting for what I want and finding balance so I can incorporate music in life.  Continuing to push myself out of my comfort zone and spreading my wings but in a way that doesn’t effect my home life.

Once I get to take my partner’s hand, another journey will begin because there is only so much healing you can do on your own.  Yes, I’ll be loving myself because I do but to experience love from someone who genuinely loves you is a whole different feeling especially when you’ve never experienced it in a romantic sense.  They weren’t the one.

Thanks for taking time to read about the journey I’m on.  I’ll be sharing more about it and things I’m learning along the way.

Until next time.

Forever Learning and Evolving,

Elisha x

 

 

 

“I Can Transform Ya” (6) – Letter to My Former Self

Dear Elisha,

I know life has been hard for you over the years and you’ve tried to smile and joke things away as a way of dealing with it.  You’ve supported people even when you feel like you’re doing practically everything alone.  Neglected to the point when you started neglecting yourself.  Don’t beat yourself up about any of that baby girl.  You kept yourself going the best way you knew how.  Burying yourself in various jobs and courses, and going into somewhat hiding when you’ve been hurt in order for you to lick your wounds and come back stronger.  You found comfort indulging in the food you loved to the point that would hide your pretty self under all that fat as a form of protection to avoid attention.  But you know what, I’m learning and healing for the both of us now.

We waited patiently for us to turn 34 so we can have a fresh start at life.  You dedicated your life to your baby boy with no regrets.  You sacrificed your dreams in exchange for the only love you’ve been able to fully experience.   The only person you’ve been able to love freely and understand inside and out.  All the things you’ve been through are preparing us for what is to come.  This year rocked us to our core and could have had us eat ourselves into an oblivion, as matters of the heart hit us the hardest, but guess what?  Life has shown us that we can get through anything.  We are strong.  We are resilient.  And we will not accept anyone having us question our character anymore!

I need you to know that you are special, you are a good person, you have a big heart, you are talented beyond belief, and anyone having you in their life would be blessed to have you.  What’s amazing is that I get to know you better than anyone else.  We are human.  On our behalf, I am trying my best not to absorb it when people mistreat us.  It’s hard because we walk around in a suit of armour but we are big softies at heart.  We don’t usually feel safe enough to open up and show that side of us.  This year was the first time in our life, we dropped our armour instantly and we felt safe enough with someone to be our whole self but it came with some backlash. We cried our tears even though we didn’t think it was possible to cry like that.   Understood by few and underestimated by many.  Sad but true.  We are magic and only a handful can see us.  But listen, their behaviour is not about us, it’s about them and even though you feel invisible sometimes rest assured that I SEE YOU!

Things are starting to fall back into place and we will get our happily ever after that we deep down requested with love from the Universe.  We met the manifestation of our heart’s song, so we know we can get what we want but all in good time.  You just keep being you.  You are perfect just the way you are.  I will work harder to shine our light for the both of us.

We are forever learning and evolving,

I love you forever and always,

Li xxx

“I Can Transform Ya” (5)

I’m coming back 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽 27.3 lbs down and counting! Still got a way to go but I’m getting there 🏆🏆🏆

The pic on the left was back in December 2017 when I supposed to start my journey but it was silly timing 🙈 When I got my pic on the right sent to me yesterday I had to share because I don’t roll with someone all the time in order to get a full body pic.

I’m so proud of myself!

I’ve only had a few minor gains since I started on the 7th February and I haven’t been doing any emotional eating even though I’ve had a lot going on recently.

I signed back up to the gym 26th April and it’s been helping me release, especially the days I haven’t been feeling too good. Anyone who has been following my insta story, snapchat or facebook story on my like page know I’ve been in the gym practically everyday or working those gardens of mine lol!

The next step is to incorporate more weights into my workouts 💪🏾 I have an idea of what I want to look like and I intend to sculpt my body accordingly.

My next mini goal is to try and lose a stone by my son’s birthday on 1st October 👀 Let’s see if I can get it 😁

Losing weight is hard work so I hope I can help motivate someone else who is trying. You are not alone x

Until next time.

Forever learning and evolving,

Elisha x

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FB Like Page: facebook.com/elisharoyale

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“We Are Family” (11)

Being a mum has been the most rewarding job I have ever had but it is hard sometimes. It develops a strength in you that you may not have thought you originally had, especially when facing hard times.

I am so thankful that have my son.  He gives me a reason to stay focused and keep it pushing through anything that comes my way.

We’ve been through so many ups and downs over the years and knowing that no matter what is going on, I have look after him, keeps me motivated.

Times when I’m feeling low or burned out, I know I need rest but I can’t stay down too long.

Times when things don’t seem to be working out how I’d like, I have to find another way forward.

Times when I need to smile, he may say something to me that reassures me that I’m doing a good job, whether he realises the impact of what he said or not.

When I think back to when had him at 18, I wasn’t around anyone else who was having children until I moved into a mother and baby unit, due to me not being able to stay living with my mum, as she wasn’t well.  My son and I left home and moved out of our familiar areas when he was 3 1/2 weeks old.  The mother and baby unit was like a hostel for mothers and babies, where you share a flat with another mother and child with 24 hour staff, midwives and stay and play.  I stayed there for 6 months before moving onto my second.

The second hostel was further out again with staff on site from early morning until 9pm Monday – Friday.  We had our own little flats and were taught to be more independent, preparing us for when we moved into our own properties.  I learnt a lot and met quite a few people that I am still in touch with.

I’ve been living in this house I’m in now for 13 1/2 years and is the longest place ever lived consistently throughout my whole life.  That may sound stable and I suppose it is in comparison to some but I’ve never had it how I want it.  That is something I am always working on.  To be honest, I’m hoping to move out of it soon.  It is something I scarily look forward to.  My neighbours have watched me and my son grow up and evolve into the people we are today.  When we first moved here, I was 21 and my son was 2 1/2 years old.  There have been loads of memories and ghost of old faces attached to this house but I am looking forward to moving on,  I need a fresh space.

I digress … the point I was making was, there is no rule book to parenting and believe me I have tried and continue to try to be the best the mum I can.  I’ve watched others, read books and took courses over the years to help me.  I only had one cousin who had three children at a young at the time and I used to visit him and his girlfriend often before I even thought about having a baby, so I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.  None of my school friends or siblings had children, so it was a lonely path at times.  But I took on the sole responsibility and have kept persevering.

If I didn’t have any more children in future, I wouldn’t be upset because I have one and he is amazing ❤ but the idea is lovely ❤

There are things I would like to experience such as parenting as a couple.  Like, both of you maybe planning it all, being there at the birth and both sharing the responsibility with both parent’s input.  Even though I have done it alone for the most part, TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK!  I would just love to know what that would be like.  Single parent households seems way too common.  I would like to be with someone who wants to break the mold and we can show each other something different.

Apologies if I went off a little bit, I just write what’s on my mind at the time.

I hope you enjoyed today’s post and if there is anything you would like to share, please feel free.

Until next time.

Forever learning and evolving,

Elisha xxx