Decisions of an 18 year old girl …
Music or my baby 🤔
Are you dumb? There was nothing to think about … my baby hands down 🤱🏽
Let’s go back in time for a minute 💭
Being a singer was always something I wanted to do growing up. From making up songs in the bedroom with my little sis (I Will Show You My Eclipse ☺️ – private joke lol), dancing and singing for the boys in the playground, singing for the older girls around the area to partaking in the odd talent shows here and there. I was always a little shy though but that didn’t stop me.
In December 2001, me and my little sis entered a talent competition at The Grand Hotel on Colmore Row, Birmingham. It was the first time we sang a song we were taught by our vocal tutor, Sophia, without hearing it before. My sis sang the first verse and then I came in. They loved it! They obviously knew it lol! The song was Use Your Heart by SWV. We got in 💃🏽 We were asked to come back the next day to sing again for everyone. We did that and as a result the guy who was organising the talent show, Tucker, introduced us to two of his cousins, a young girl and her big brother, along with two of his friends. They were all rappers and MC’s. We were all put together as a group to work with a guy called Tony Duke. Exciting times!
We started recording music and by the February I found out I was expecting. Whoa 😮 I continued for a little while but in the end I bowed out because there was no way I could continue under my circumstances. There was way too much going on and my support system has always been near enough non-existent. The group disbanded not long after. Sad times 😔
I had to put that all to the back of my mind for a minute because I had a baby to prepare for. I don’t regret my decision for one minute. Sometimes my son used to say to me,
“I wonder what your life would have been like if I wasn’t here?”
What??? That used to break my heart a little bit every time. I don’t think this boy understands even though I used to tell him,
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t want to hear you say that to me again.”
On the surface, it may have sounded dreamy to some degree that I could have had a music career before him but inside I was writing poetry about about being stuck in a box feeling unloved and didn’t know where to turn in order to find the happiness I was seeking. I didn’t talk too much about my life at the time to anyone either. Talking my truth would mean I would have to mention other people because they were involved so I felt trapped for a long time.
Being a mum has allowed me to safely love someone and let go of a lot things that were holding me back emotionally. I’ve grown so much as a person and I continue to grow more and more all the time. He gave me a purpose even when things seemed bleak at times. I’ve overcome things people only hear about on TV and I can confidently say that not a lot of people can walk in my shoes. With all the life experience I have and knowing myself so well I can go forward and pursue certain things that I couldn’t before. My son is grown and less dependent on me so I’m looking forward to the future. We’ve always spoke about my plans, while discussing business ventures together and individually so we’re good 😁
For now I’m just figuring out what direction to take with my music, writing songs, blogging, working on my fitness and sorting out my YouTube channel. Sounds like a plan to me 🏆
I hope you enjoyed today’s post and if you have any stories or thoughts you would like to share with me, feel free.
Until next time.
Forever learning and evolving,