“We Are Family” (9)

Decisions of an 18 year old girl …

Music or my baby 🤔

Are you dumb? There was nothing to think about … my baby hands down 🤱🏽

Let’s go back in time for a minute 💭

Being a singer was always something I wanted to do growing up. From making up songs in the bedroom with my little sis (I Will Show You My Eclipse ☺️ – private joke lol), dancing and singing for the boys in the playground, singing for the older girls around the area to partaking in the odd talent shows here and there. I was always a little shy though but that didn’t stop me.

In December 2001, me and my little sis entered a talent competition at The Grand Hotel on Colmore Row, Birmingham. It was the first time we sang a song we were taught by our vocal tutor, Sophia, without hearing it before. My sis sang the first verse and then I came in. They loved it! They obviously knew it lol! The song was Use Your Heart by SWV. We got in 💃🏽 We were asked to come back the next day to sing again for everyone. We did that and as a result the guy who was organising the talent show, Tucker, introduced us to two of his cousins, a young girl and her big brother, along with two of his friends. They were all rappers and MC’s. We were all put together as a group to work with a guy called Tony Duke. Exciting times!

We started recording music and by the February I found out I was expecting. Whoa 😮 I continued for a little while but in the end I bowed out because there was no way I could continue under my circumstances. There was way too much going on and my support system has always been near enough non-existent. The group disbanded not long after. Sad times 😔

I had to put that all to the back of my mind for a minute because I had a baby to prepare for. I don’t regret my decision for one minute. Sometimes my son used to say to me,

“I wonder what your life would have been like if I wasn’t here?”

What??? That used to break my heart a little bit every time. I don’t think this boy understands even though I used to tell him,

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t want to hear you say that to me again.”

On the surface, it may have sounded dreamy to some degree that I could have had a music career before him but inside I was writing poetry about about being stuck in a box feeling unloved and didn’t know where to turn in order to find the happiness I was seeking. I didn’t talk too much about my life at the time to anyone either. Talking my truth would mean I would have to mention other people because they were involved so I felt trapped for a long time.

Being a mum has allowed me to safely love someone and let go of a lot things that were holding me back emotionally. I’ve grown so much as a person and I continue to grow more and more all the time. He gave me a purpose even when things seemed bleak at times. I’ve overcome things people only hear about on TV and I can confidently say that not a lot of people can walk in my shoes. With all the life experience I have and knowing myself so well I can go forward and pursue certain things that I couldn’t before. My son is grown and less dependent on me so I’m looking forward to the future. We’ve always spoke about my plans, while discussing business ventures together and individually so we’re good 😁

For now I’m just figuring out what direction to take with my music, writing songs, blogging, working on my fitness and sorting out my YouTube channel. Sounds like a plan to me 🏆

I hope you enjoyed today’s post and if you have any stories or thoughts you would like to share with me, feel free.

Until next time.

Forever learning and evolving,
Elisha xxx

Advertisements

I Was Just Thinking… (1)

I WAS JUST THINKING (1)

Ladies, have you ever been cheated on?

Well, I’m sure, we’ve all been there in one way, shape or form.  The worst of it is, the experience can rock you left, right and centre.  It can also destroy the way you look at that man during the remainder of your relationship, or possibly, forever.  Let’s talk about this….

There are various reasons why men, or shall I say people, cheat.  I don’t think we need to overly understand why they do to be honest because some offenders really don’t think too much about it.  I feel that some people have quite basic needs or are simply insecure and may need that extra attention.  Yes, there are insecure men out there ladies and there is nothing wrong with that, and no, I’m not trying to belittle the guys out there.  I simply want to open some eyes and provoke food for thought.  I think some people live in a delusional state.  Sometimes when these things happen in a relationship you may have been going through bad patches or even growing apart naturally but are just attached to each other because of the kids, time spent together and/or investments made.  I’ve had people ask “how could they love me and sleep with someone else?”  Quite easily actually.  Hitting someone else don’t necessarily mean they don’t love you.  I know because I’ve done it.  To me there is a difference between fucking out and cheating.  Fucking out to me, can just happen for a number of reasons, and may be just the once knowing fully well that you don’t want to be with them.  When I did it, I know that if I was happy with in my relationship, it never would have happened.  While cheating is more active and potentially more harmful to your union.  Relationships are developed and feelings caught with or without sex being involved.

Let’s get back to us…

Ladies, do you know how amazing you are?

We are known for certain things that men can’t compete with even if they tried:

  • Multi-tasking
  • Being emotionally expressive and communicative (some more than others)
  • Carrying a child
  • Giving birth to one, or even multiple babies
  • Juggling a number of responsibilities and caring for many at once no matter how you are feeling about yourself
  • Being attached to a man who a number of women could possibly say they have sampled whether before or during your time together and still try to keep a united front or hold on to some sort of pride while doing so.

Now in regards to the latter, if we turned the tables for a minute, as much as you think you LOVE your man, you need to think if you did some of the same things to him, would he have it?  Could he handle the feeling that comes along with you sampling someone else while you two are together?  I’ve heard some guys say that they like variety but will have chicks at home that they would expect to stay with them no matter what and the idea of another man even talking to her is unbearable even though they’re throwing the D about.  Well, this confuses me. Do they really think that we never feel there is someone else out there that we admire, fancy, or are sexually attracted to?  But our “love” for you guys will stop most from even going there.

In the same way we may not be everything to you, you are not everything to us.

Guys, let’s keep it real, we may not have the same interests, level of responsibility, or career prospects.  You may not even be the most attractive or your sex game may not be meeting her requirements but she believes that she loves you for whatever reason, which keeps her somewhat loyal to you.  Some man probably even move to your girl, and even if she likes him, she will decline, when you may not.

Now, what I’m thinking is if we leveled out the playing field a little and said something like, we should have an open relationship would people cheat as much?  For one, there would be no reason to cheat because you’ve agreed that it is fine that if ANY of you feel the urge, they have permission to sample that without it being a problem.  I’m not promoting sleeping out on your partner, I’m just throwing something out there.  Would your partner confidently participate if they knew you could possibly experience someone else in whatever capacity and potentially like them better?

I have talked about this topic with quite a few ladies over time and I usually get a response indicating that they would never.  That is their prerogative, I’m just provoking thought in order for you to get some control over the situation, instead of falling victim to it.

Do you not think the world would be a better place, if we opened up the dialogue in order for people to be completely honest about the way, in which, they choose to live their lives, instead of living a lie, and as a result finding someone who can accept you just the way you are?  I am questioning whether we are naturally supposed to be monogamous.  I know it may have been something we have been taught but is it right because evidently there are quite a few people who genuinely struggle to live a monogamous lifestyle.  There are also people who actually don’t mind, or even prefer, being a side ting.

Now imagine, that you’re used to living your life single but you like someone and they are not in a position to be 100% available to you for whatever reason.  You may not even want them full time, but want to enjoy aspects of them for set days and times. This, allowing you to still enjoy making star shapes in your own bed and to have freedom to do what you want to do without feeling overly tied down to someone 24/7.  The conditions on how this would play out would be agreed upon by the parties involved.  If this is something that you may consider, you would have to be able to afford this way of life.  You need to think about whether you can afford to share yourself in terms of time, finances and emotions. There are people out there who are trying to live this rich lifestyle without the appropriate “funds” and that’s not cool.

Wouldn’t life be less stressful if you could just be open and honest?

Wouldn’t you feel a little more content if something like this was a choice?

Wouldn’t it ease some of your pressure?

Don’t we all want to be genuinely happy?

Aren’t we all trying to live our best lives?

I’m aware that not everyone can handle honesty but I’m just hear speaking from experience, as I’ve been the girlfriend who has been cheated on, the girlfriend who has fucked out on her man and the chick who has ended up in a situationship with someone who couldn’t commit 100% but wanted to keep me around.  I like to analyse and reflect trying to gain understanding of people and the world around me.  If you have any experiences or thoughts you would like to share, feel free.  It’s good to talk lol!

Until next time.

Forever learning and evolving,

Elisha xxx

“We Are Family” (1)

pexels-photo-355988I had to give my son some career advice.  It’s about that time….

Being in Year 10, my son is preparing for work experience at the end of the year by way of mock interviews and creating his first CV.  Awwwww, my baby is growing up …(tear to my eye).

As a result, we’ve mulled over quite a few options.  Business is always something we discuss and plan for, together, and individually as I wish someone taught me the importance of having something of my own when I was his age.  But in terms of college, university etc, we have explored them all and it is easy to get lost because there are so many to choose from.  I’ve always taken him to open days and if we go to events, I encourage him to talk with people in industry while he is there.  Networking is a good tool and he can get some tips or see if he is on the right track.  I myself, have studied consistently since leaving school and worked, either at the same time or alternatively.  So I can only share what I have learned and that is……

Education means very little without experience!

I feel this is something that they should emphasise to the young ones, in particular, as it can save a lot of time and money.  My son will make his own mind up and walk his own path but I advised that if he can find an apprenticeship in the career he wishes to pursue then he should definitely take up the opportunity.  You gain industry experience while completing your qualification and you get paid!!!  Not that much probably but hey, he still lives at home, he’ll be fine.  I got him ❤

If I could press reset, I would definitely pick that now.  Even though I can’t regret all that I have done, I could have saved some time and money going the apprenticeship route.  The good thing about my journey is that I go forth and can prevent others around me from making the “mistakes” I made or on the other hand, I can share the wisdom I have acquired over time.

Due to the law changing since I left school, he has to be in education of some form until the age of 18, I think this is an excellent idea.  Hopefully, it will give you a guaranteed first step on the career ladder, rather than just going straight to work.  Not saying anything is necessarily wrong with going to work because you can possibly work up in the company.  But if you do have a specific goal from young, try and get an apprencticeship while you have support from loved ones before you have to take on full financial responsibility of properties, cars, partners and kids etc.

If you have any career advice for the younger ones feel free to share.  Until next time.

Forever learning and evolving,

Elisha xxx