I Was Just Thinking (2)

Am I well and truly magic? Can only a few see me?

From a young age, I have always been conscious of energies and how I manoeuvre around people and situations, but most importantly, I am selective when it comes to guys. Extremely selective! Maybe even to a fault.

I am fully aware, that for some reason, I am naturally attracted to those who I feel are male reflections of myself. Like a headhunter, I will pick them out. I’ve got patience, I don’t rush the process, but it’s very hard to get my attention, so when it does happen, I find it intriguing 🤔

I’m like a big ball of energy, that needs to be channeled in the right direction, in order to get the best of me. I need a lot of stimulation, in all areas and the selected ones should be able to fulfil this. I seek intelligent, multi-talented, confident, attractive, smiley guys, but on top of that they probably haven’t had the easiest lives. Just like me. Whilst with them, I believe I should be able to unload my shit and they should understand me. We could ride for each other….. 💭 Acceptance finally 🙏🏾 Paired with them, I look to make greatness, because two amazing energies together are better than one right? It appears not. What I find is that they can’t see me in the same way I see them. Instead, it’s as if women are there to fulfil certain needs, they don’t appear to look at them as a whole person in depth, appreciating all their qualities or how they can add to them to make themselves greater. I’ve had them try to restrict me from being my best self in some way, which is how I end up moving alone because I need freedom to be me. I’ve learnt that if I have rejected others who seem genuinely interested in me and wanted to “get to know me” (in the past more so), it was because if I started talking about certain things I would have to face them. On top of that, I didn’t believe they genuinely could care about me and I feared they may not have good intentions for me with the information I would share. Opening up to someone else can leave you feeling vulnerable if you haven’t reached a level within yourself where you own your own pain, hurt and experiences completely. The last thing you need is for someone to hold you hostage with “secrets”, which is why I don’t have any; and I will have no one make me feel like my tongue has been cut out my mouth.

Maybe, I shouldn’t really put such a high value on men deep down, but I’ve never experienced love and care from a male and it feel genuine. Not even family members. I was born into two big families, but you wouldn’t think it. The male relationships are limited. No relationships with the grandads. No Daddy. I only see one of my uncles sometimes. My cousins I don’t see and my only half- brother I have nothing to do with. The only male relationship I’ve really had the opportunity to nourish and be fully transparent in is with my son. That I will forever be thankful for 🙏🏾

Over the years, I’ve learnt something new about myself from each of my selected few. Being an empath, is a blessing and a curse, because in the wrong hands it can be harmful and even though withholding of my true self to men is understandable, it is also a form of protection. I don’t think they could handle it or the things I’ve experienced. My strength and the greatness within me can be intimidating. I shouldn’t have to dumb myself down to make anyone feel comfortable, which is something I’ve had to do in the past and as a result, I am open and honest with those that I need to be; more and more, as time goes on. Not everyone can handle the truth either, so it will take a well rounded guy to be with me. Another thing I find that they don’t seem to realise is that there are still a lot of things that I can learn from them also, as well as them learn from me. We are here to grow together and level up spiritually, in order to become our higher selves. This would take both of us being ready to come out of our own way/s in order to actually be happy.

Just like when I became a Mum, I made a conscious decision to be more emotionally expressive, as I didn’t want my son to ever have to question whether or not he was loved. I try to treat my potentials how I would like to be treated. Loving and treating your partner good is the best thing you can do in a relationship. Feeling loved has you operating on some next levels. It has you feeling like you can do and be anything, even more so than you thought you could before. That is one of the reasons I am proactive, I don’t just talk about doing shit, I do them, because actions most definitely speak louder than words. More importantly, your focus should be them and their focus should be you. How can you go wrong like that?

So I ask again: Am I magic? Can only a few see me? …Must be. If not, definitely overlooked lol! Is that a bad thing? …Maybe not. If anything, it makes me more motivated to be great. I just didn’t want to get completely heartless, if that’s even possible. I have a white light and a heart of gold inside of me that some guys have only had a sample of, but I’d love to be able to just openly share it. Until then, it will remain under lock and key. All relationships are a lesson or a blessing and in the end it’s their loss if they can’t see me for all that I am. I’ll just keep learning and sharing via whichever creative outlet I am exploring at the time.

Thank you for taking time to read today and I hope it read well. Trying to communicate something over to someone else so they understand exactly what you’re trying to say is hard sometimes. If you have any thoughts or feelings about what I have shared feel free to comment.

Forever learning and evolving,



I Was Just Thinking… (1)


Ladies, have you ever been cheated on?

Well, I’m sure, we’ve all been there in one way, shape or form.  The worst of it is, the experience can rock you left, right and centre.  It can also destroy the way you look at that man during the remainder of your relationship, or possibly, forever.  Let’s talk about this….

There are various reasons why men, or shall I say people, cheat.  I don’t think we need to overly understand why they do to be honest because some offenders really don’t think too much about it.  I feel that some people have quite basic needs or are simply insecure and may need that extra attention.  Yes, there are insecure men out there ladies and there is nothing wrong with that, and no, I’m not trying to belittle the guys out there.  I simply want to open some eyes and provoke food for thought.  I think some people live in a delusional state.  Sometimes when these things happen in a relationship you may have been going through bad patches or even growing apart naturally but are just attached to each other because of the kids, time spent together and/or investments made.  I’ve had people ask “how could they love me and sleep with someone else?”  Quite easily actually.  Hitting someone else don’t necessarily mean they don’t love you.  I know because I’ve done it.  To me there is a difference between fucking out and cheating.  Fucking out to me, can just happen for a number of reasons, and may be just the once knowing fully well that you don’t want to be with them.  When I did it, I know that if I was happy with in my relationship, it never would have happened.  While cheating is more active and potentially more harmful to your union.  Relationships are developed and feelings caught with or without sex being involved.

Let’s get back to us…

Ladies, do you know how amazing you are?

We are known for certain things that men can’t compete with even if they tried:

  • Multi-tasking
  • Being emotionally expressive and communicative (some more than others)
  • Carrying a child
  • Giving birth to one, or even multiple babies
  • Juggling a number of responsibilities and caring for many at once no matter how you are feeling about yourself
  • Being attached to a man who a number of women could possibly say they have sampled whether before or during your time together and still try to keep a united front or hold on to some sort of pride while doing so.

Now in regards to the latter, if we turned the tables for a minute, as much as you think you LOVE your man, you need to think if you did some of the same things to him, would he have it?  Could he handle the feeling that comes along with you sampling someone else while you two are together?  I’ve heard some guys say that they like variety but will have chicks at home that they would expect to stay with them no matter what and the idea of another man even talking to her is unbearable even though they’re throwing the D about.  Well, this confuses me. Do they really think that we never feel there is someone else out there that we admire, fancy, or are sexually attracted to?  But our “love” for you guys will stop most from even going there.

In the same way we may not be everything to you, you are not everything to us.

Guys, let’s keep it real, we may not have the same interests, level of responsibility, or career prospects.  You may not even be the most attractive or your sex game may not be meeting her requirements but she believes that she loves you for whatever reason, which keeps her somewhat loyal to you.  Some man probably even move to your girl, and even if she likes him, she will decline, when you may not.

Now, what I’m thinking is if we leveled out the playing field a little and said something like, we should have an open relationship would people cheat as much?  For one, there would be no reason to cheat because you’ve agreed that it is fine that if ANY of you feel the urge, they have permission to sample that without it being a problem.  I’m not promoting sleeping out on your partner, I’m just throwing something out there.  Would your partner confidently participate if they knew you could possibly experience someone else in whatever capacity and potentially like them better?

I have talked about this topic with quite a few ladies over time and I usually get a response indicating that they would never.  That is their prerogative, I’m just provoking thought in order for you to get some control over the situation, instead of falling victim to it.

Do you not think the world would be a better place, if we opened up the dialogue in order for people to be completely honest about the way, in which, they choose to live their lives, instead of living a lie, and as a result finding someone who can accept you just the way you are?  I am questioning whether we are naturally supposed to be monogamous.  I know it may have been something we have been taught but is it right because evidently there are quite a few people who genuinely struggle to live a monogamous lifestyle.  There are also people who actually don’t mind, or even prefer, being a side ting.

Now imagine, that you’re used to living your life single but you like someone and they are not in a position to be 100% available to you for whatever reason.  You may not even want them full time, but want to enjoy aspects of them for set days and times. This, allowing you to still enjoy making star shapes in your own bed and to have freedom to do what you want to do without feeling overly tied down to someone 24/7.  The conditions on how this would play out would be agreed upon by the parties involved.  If this is something that you may consider, you would have to be able to afford this way of life.  You need to think about whether you can afford to share yourself in terms of time, finances and emotions. There are people out there who are trying to live this rich lifestyle without the appropriate “funds” and that’s not cool.

Wouldn’t life be less stressful if you could just be open and honest?

Wouldn’t you feel a little more content if something like this was a choice?

Wouldn’t it ease some of your pressure?

Don’t we all want to be genuinely happy?

Aren’t we all trying to live our best lives?

I’m aware that not everyone can handle honesty but I’m just hear speaking from experience, as I’ve been the girlfriend who has been cheated on, the girlfriend who has fucked out on her man and the chick who has ended up in a situationship with someone who couldn’t commit 100% but wanted to keep me around.  I like to analyse and reflect trying to gain understanding of people and the world around me.  If you have any experiences or thoughts you would like to share, feel free.  It’s good to talk lol!

Until next time.

Forever learning and evolving,

Elisha xxx